Very cool article from HV Biz on the Farm Bill that I am quoted in:
http://westfaironline.com/55039/farm-bill-features-big-stakes-uncertain-future/
Check it out!
HV Biz article on the Farm Bill that I am quoted in!
1
“Do you like sex?”
Just got a call from credit card company representative to lower the interest rates on a number of my credit cards. Sounded like he was from India or Pakistan. He was nice and said the offer was not to transfer balances or open a new account but to lower the rates on existing accounts. I didn’t quite understand what entity he actually worked for.
I eventually interrupted him and told him my lovely wife Eve makes those decisions and calls. Here is the exchange:
Telemarketer: “But sir, your name is officially on these accounts … I must speak with you.”
Me: “Yeah, but she makes the calls.”
Telemarketer: “But sir, you are named as the primary card holder.”
Me: “Dude, are you married.”
Telemarketer: (pause … because he is caught off guard): “Excuse me?”
Me: “Are you married?”
Telemarketer: “Yes … why?”
Me: “I don’t think you are really married because you would understand that when I say my wife makes these decisions I mean it.”
Telemarketer: “But ….”
Me: “Do you like sex?”
Telemarketer: (pause, then a giggle) “Uhm … yes sir … I see where you are going with this … you do not want to sleep outside in the garage.”
Me: “I don’t mind sleeping outside … if I get sex … won’t get it for a long time if I pull the trigger here. You need to speak with my wife when she gets home from work.”
Telemarketer: “Yes sir … (laughing) I will have someone call later … and I hope you sleep with your wife tonight.”
Me: “Me too!”
Catch me on the radio!
Hey everyone … be sure to check me out at 9:00 am eastern daylight time today on WTBQ and “The Roundtable With Frank Fornario … Life, Love & Chocolate Chip Cookies!”
If you aren’t local you can listen online:
A Comedy of Errors … AND One Close Call
Sometimes things can go wrong on the farm … and those wrong things can snowball into a chain of events that can ruin your day. Like yesterday. Allow me to elaborate:
On Friday afternoon into early Friday evening we sprayed 62 of our 99 acres of onions with some post emerge herbicides. Our new employee Brendan drove the army truck around which is our tank truck and my dad and I sprayed on our two Farmall Cub sprat rigs. Overall things went well, until we about finished up the first big tank … my dad’s Cub inexplicably would not start without a jump. Uh oh. Well, we jumped it later and finished the 2nd tank for the 62 acres at around 7:00pm.
Saturday morning my dad called me early to tell me he and my brother changed their minds and wanted to spray their remaining 37 acres on Saturday, because rain was coming and you need the onions to have a good waxy coat to spray the materials we would spray. An onion develops a waxy coat with adequate sunshine and rain breaks down the waxy coat. Ok … fine … no problem.
MISTAKE TIME: My dad called the repair guy Kenny to tell him that his Cub was not taking a charge. That usually spells problem with the generator. My dad said he told Kenny we needed to spray still. Well, my dad and I went out to the fields to put flags in our spray rows and by the time we got back Kenny was already there and started to take the tractor apart. T was exactly what we thought … the generator. So I call my dad over and told him what Kenny was doing. and my dad rushed over to say to Kenny “Uh Kenny .. we have to spray today.” Kenny: (loudly and frustrated, because he started to take the Cub apart) “Well, nobody told me.” My dad sheepishly responded he did in his message … but I doubt it. Kenny is a good mechanic and the last thing I wanted to do was piss him off so I said, reluctantly, “Don’t worry, I’ll just spray it myself.” We would have to do 2 separate tank mixes and spray at 3 different locations. Well … so much for drinking a 4Loko and mowing my lawn later.
The first tank, which was 7.5 acres at two locations, went uneventful and the tractor was parked at the second location, where I had 26.5 acres more to spray. The third location was 3 acres by the house. Okay, we mix the tank and get out there. I was still hoping to get to lawn mowing later. Now, as aI started to spray the second tank the sun was completely gone and clouds were really filling in. Next thing you know … a drop here .. a drop there. Oh brother. So, I spray 11 acres and move to the next section and as I go up the first field (this video shows what it looks like from my perspective to spray: http://youtu.be/UX089CSqNIw ) I look to my boom on my right and see a leak … a leak where chemicals are spewing out … not really bad … but bad enough. It’s part of the boom that broke the last time I sprayed and my dad’s fix didn’t take. So, as I am coming back down the field I wave to my dad to come to me. So, he has to call my mom so she can pick him up and he can get the material for the temporary fix … you guessed it … electrical tape. So, I have to sit there and wait for him to get back. He puts the tape on and now it’s not so much spewing … more like a weak pee stream (can I just say I’m ordering this on Monday: http://www.asseenontv.com/flex-seal/detail.php?p=346830 ) but, it’s acceptable.
But now, the rain is more of a steady drizzle or mist. I finish that 10 acre block and move to the last 5.5 acres at this location before we have to move one more time. As I am finishing spraying my radio ..my boom box … my source of music and what makes this job bearable … GETS FRIED FROM THE RAIN! HOLY CRAP, I AM NOW PISSED! (see photo)
I finish the field and try to load my sprayer on the truck … well the ramps are wet and I start to spin as I go up them onto the trailer and nearly flip the tractor. So, I yell to my dad to fill me up full and to drive the dump truck and trailer back and have my mom bring him back for the tank truck and I will drive the spray rig the mile or so down the road from this location tot he fields behind my parent’s house and I’ll spray them. In the meantime my dad and I are fighting … he’s blaming Kenny for taking the tractor apart and me for going along with it and I’m screaming no, after today we won’t need to spray for 2 weeks and he DIDN’T NEED TO CALL KENNY THIS &*%$#@) MORNING BUT COULD HAVE WAITED TILL TOMORROW, OR MONDAY OR TUESDAY ETC …!
I pull on to Pulaski Highway (the road is really wet) and only after maybe 50 feet or so I hear a pretty loud snap and the tractor bops a bit. So, while wearing my spray mask and goggles, going in third gear (maybe 12 mph or so), in the rain, with full tanks, I start visually scanning as I’m driving down the road to see what the hell that was … and I look at the front and then rear axles and then I see it (this all takes place in a minute or so) … on the one side it looks like 5 bolts are connecting the wheel axle to the frame while on my right side there looks to be only 2 bolts left and the axle appears to be separating … HOLY CRAP!
If the wheel separates I will obviously crash. I will most likely survive it … providing I’m not tossed off the tractor and crushed. But, I’m loaded with material. Now, it’s not much material … 35 gallons of water to the acre and the chemical is only 1.5 ounces to the acre so it isn’t a lot of material but still … if I crash and those tanks burst … holy moly what a mess that would be … assuming I’m not hurt that bad.
So now I’m just hoping I make it to my parent’s driveway … and then I am just praying I make it to the lawn.
I make it. My dad pulls up in his jeep and I wave him over. I start pointing to the wheel and he has this expression on his face of “oh crap!” So, he drives to get the forklift, so as to add some bolts and I have my mom take me for the tank truck. After bringing back the tank truck my dad tells me he couldn’t put in any replacement bolts because all of the bolts had been sheared off and a portion of them was still stuck in them. So he tightened the two remaining bolts and told me not to use the brakes.
No kidding dad.
I had just enough material to finish those fields and I gently drove the tractor back tot he barn.
Then my lovely wife came out to see why I was just getting back at 5pm. After I vented a bit she brought me a beer and things got a wee bit better.
Next week will be 4Loko lawn mowing time for sure.
What’s next … sex tips from “Joe Rapist?”
Got some great spam this morning … it’s for $1,595 in funds ready to be sent to me.
Do I believe this? Not really … but, note to spammers … if you are going to send out spam like this promising to lend fantastic sums of money to total strangers I’d suggest using a different name than “todd crook.”
Oh, my favorite part of spam like this … the nonsense gobbledegook at the end … it is fantastic poetry.
From: “todd crook” <Lap@likerightcompany.com>Subject: It’s All For You 1,595 in FundsDate: May 18, 2013 3:59:32 PM EDTTo:Feel All Alone in Your Financial-Woes, eve***********?Funds-1,595
Ready to SendWith rising costs and prospects of making more not
coming through, you very well could use this infusion of funds:
http://ron.likerightcompany.com/spn.asp?expires=5771352267b+835717550otta/ctrl=87231707Stack of bills on the counter?
It doesn’t have to be that way.Take us up on this today while funds last.
Sincerely,
Kelly Reyna
it’s of no consequence if you want to cease these here:
http://ron.likerightcompany.com/spn.asp?expires=5771352267b+835717550otta/ctrl=76198612Advancing sexual and reproductive health worldwide through research, policy analysis and public education New York Maiden Lane, New York, NY Tel. .., Fax .. info.guttmacher.org Washington D.C. Connecticut Avenue, N.W., Suite , Washington, DC Tel .., Fax .. policyinfoguttmacher.orgDepartment of Reproductive Health and Research World Health Organization Geneva Switzerland Tel. … rhrpublications.who.intwww.guttmacher.orgJanuary Please wait…If this message is not eventually replaced by the proper contents of the document, your PDF viewer may not be able to display this type of document. You can upgrade to the latest version of Adobe Reader for Windows, Mac, or Linux by visiting http..www.adobe.comproductsacrobatreadstep.html. For more assistance with Adobe Reader visit httpwww.adobe.comsupportproducts acrreader.html.Windows is either a registered trademark or a trademark of Microsoft Corporation in the United States and.or other countries. Mac is a trademark of Apple Inc., registered in the United States and other countries. Linux is the registered trademark of Linus Torvalds in the U.S. and other countries.CanMEDSFamily MedicineWorking Group on Curriculum Review October CanMEDSFamily MedicineWorking Group on Curriculum Review October :Canadian Family Physician Le Mdecin de famille canadien Vol . FEBRUARY FVRIER Web exclusive ResearchManagement of aboriginal and nonaboriginal people with chronic kidney disease in QuebecQualityofcare indicatorsJason Michael Patapas MSc Ana Chelene Blanchard Sameena Iqbal Murray Vasilevsky MD FRCP David Dannenbaum MD CCFPMD FRCP MScAbstractObjective To compare qualityofcare indicators for management of patients with chronic kidney disease CKD and type diabetes among the James Bay Cree of Northern Quebec with those among residents of Montreal, Que. Design A crosssectional survey using medical records from patients seen between and . Setting Predialysis clinics of the McGill University Health Centre in Montreal. Participants Thirty Cree and nonaboriginal patients older than years of age with type diabetes mellitus and estimated glomerular filtration rates of less than mL.min. m. Main outcome measures Rates of anemia, iron deficiency, obesity, and renoprotective medication use among aboriginal and nonaboriginal patients. Results Overall, the Cree patients were younger vs years of age, P . and weighed more vs kg, P .. The groups were prescribed medication to control blood pressure, lipids, and phosphate levels at similar rates, but the Cree patients were more likely to receive renoprotective agents vs , P .. Despite similar rates of erythropoietin supplementation, the Cree patients were at greater risk of anemia, with an adjusted risk ratio of . CI . to .. Conclusion Cree patients with CKD were younger, weighed more, and were more likely to receive renoprotective agents. With the exception of the management of anemia, quality of CKD care was similar between the groups. Anemia education for family physicians and continuous monitoring of quality indicators must be implemented in northern Quebec. ManagementEditors kEy points of Cree patients with chronic kidney disease and diabetes was equivalent to management of nonaboriginal patients.
Ye Shall Do Things Thrice!
Centuries ago … in some crap hole in the darkest corner of Europe my great great great great great great great great great great grandfather was cursed … cursed by an evil Carpathian Overlord that my ancestors severely displeased ….
And that curse was …
Ye Shall Do Things Thrice!
Yes … my poor ancestor did something to really piss the land’s overlord off and he subjected him and his posterity to do things over and over again!
And that’s how it works on Pawelski Farm … we don’t do things once .. we do it twice or three times. We move a tractor, then move it back … then move it back again. Get the wrench … no, put it back … no “deliver unto me the f&^%$#@ wrench!”
Somewhere in the nether regions a displeased and unsatisfied Carpathian Overlord laughs … and laughs some more!
My dad and Superstar Billy Graham
My dad is a lot like Billy Graham … no, not the tv preacher but the old-time professional wrestler. I remember reading an article about him back in the 70’s and in the article said he didn’t comb his own hair or do anything … he just dictated to people “comb my hair” or “tie my shoes” or stuff like that. He must have once served in the military or something because …
… that’s just like my dad. My dad was once in the army and some aspects of army life have never left him. He quite frequently will look at me and say “do this” or “do that.” No please … just do it … just like the Superstar. No, it’s not to comb his hair but to get him a wrench or move something with the forklift … I’m in the army … under Rich’s command … I’m the servant of “Superstar Rich Pawelski!”
PS … classic Superstar Billy Graham quotes:
- I lift barbell plates. I eat T-bone steaks. I’m sweeter than a German chocolate cake. How much more of me can you take?
- I’m the reflection of perfection, the number one selection.
- I’m the man of the hour, the man with the power, too sweet to be sour.
- I am the women’s pet, the men’s regret. What you see is what you get. And what you don’t see is better yet.
- I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. There’s nobody as beautiful or as powerful as me!
- I am the sensation of the nation. The number-one creation.
- This is what the world waits for. The world out there asks, ‘What’s the Superstar going to wear next?’ Not, ‘Who’s he going to whip next?’ but what in the world is the Superstar going to wear. And I’ve got millions of letters saying, ‘Superstar, would you please lay some yellow on me, daddy?’
- Marilyn Monroe looks her best when she is sitting on the Superstar’s chest (On wearing a Marilyn Monroe t-shirt.)
- What you gonna do when the Superstar comes down on you?
“Whupped em again Josie!”
Real conversation alert from last night:
Me (contemplating deep thoughts while sitting on the toilet) “You know, a pear is an apple that wouldn’t. (pause) Do you like my little bit of deep philosophy I just thought up?”
Eve (going about her business): “No, a pear is an apple that couldn’t.”
Me: (short pause) “That’s just derivative of mine.”
Eve: “Yes … but mine is still better.”
Link
“Do I have to eat it?”
So, Eve decided to buy these Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches when she went grocery shopping on Sunday. First sign of trouble … Jonah yesterday.
Jonah: “Dad, do I have to finish this?”
Me: “Your mom paid a lot of money for it. Eat it.”
Jonah: “But dad, it’s gross. I can buy breakfast at school. Please!”
I wasn’t going to force him to eat so I gave him $3 and told him don’t tell his mom. This morning I spy Eve making some more of those things and I tell her what happened with Jonah.
Eve: “I might have made it wrong. You’re supposed to microwave it in a paper towel.”
Me: “I think it was more than that.”
A few minutes later Caleb came down and Eve gave him one of the two that she nuked this morning.
Caleb: “Jesus, this is disgusting. Do I have to finish it?”
Eve: “No. I just finished mine and my stomach is not making happy noises.”
Folks, it’s not a good thing when Eve’s stomach is “not making happy noises.” Thank you Jimmy Dean … may you rot in pre-fabbed sausage and egg sandwich hell.
Is that really inside me?
What is the topic of most of the spam I’m getting now?
TOXIC BELLY BUGS!
http://secure.toxicbellybugfix.com/?CID=TBBFTEL&ADID=tel413&SID=tbbftel4131
The video is more than a bit disturbing. I now have to worry about bed bugs and belly bugs … what is next?
Mucking it up in Muckville 