Just got a call from credit card company representative to lower the interest rates on a number of my credit cards. Sounded like he was from India or Pakistan. He was nice and said the offer was not to transfer balances or open a new account but to lower the rates on existing accounts. I didn’t quite understand what entity he actually worked for.

I eventually interrupted him and told him my lovely wife Eve makes those decisions and calls. Here is the exchange:

Telemarketer: “But sir, your name is officially on these accounts … I must speak with you.”

Me: “Yeah, but she makes the calls.”

Telemarketer: “But sir, you are named as the primary card holder.”

Me: “Dude, are you married.”

Telemarketer: (pause … because he is caught off guard): “Excuse me?”

Me: “Are you married?”

Telemarketer: “Yes … why?”

Me: “I don’t think you are really married because you would understand that when I say my wife makes these decisions I mean it.”

Telemarketer: “But ….”

Me: “Do you like sex?”

Telemarketer: (pause, then a giggle) “Uhm … yes sir … I see where you are going with this … you do not want to sleep outside in the garage.”

Me: “I don’t mind sleeping outside … if I get sex … won’t get it for a long time if I pull the trigger here. You need to speak with my wife when she gets home from work.”

Telemarketer: “Yes sir … (laughing) I will have someone call later … and I hope you sleep with your wife tonight.”

Me: “Me too!”