Monthly Archives: May 2013

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?

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So, Joey and I are out on a field of onions down Indiana Road going thru the fields doing some cultivating on our AC-G’s with a Buddingh Basket Weeder (http://www.buddinghweeder.com) and I called my dad to pick us up at noon or so.

I see him come down Indiana and stop at the bridge in front of the field. I park the tractor about 25 feet away and I am hit with an overpowering smell of skunk!

Me: “What the hell happened?”
Dad: “I caught a skunk, a baby skunk in a trap by the house … I let it out, put some cardboard over it … it didn’t spray me.”
Me: “You stink … I can smell you 30 feet away … it had to have had sprayed you.”
Dad: “It didn’t … I don’t know.”

At this point Joey pulls up with his tractor. I yell to him that my dad stinks. He yells back “No kidding, I can smell him from here … what the hell did you do?”

He repeats what he told me. Joey takes his shirt and covers it over his face. I have my head sticking out the window. Joey climbs into the back of the jeep from my side and cries for dad to open his window. he can’t … it’s broken.

Me: “Oh my God … this is terrible.”
Dad: “Ahh .. you eventually get used to it.”
Joey: “No you don’t. This is awful.”
Dad: “Maybe it sprayed on the ground and I sort of stepped in it. It could be on my shoes. I don’t know.”
Joey: “Gracie is going to love you. You better stay out of the house. And change your clothes.”
Me: “Pour gas on your shoes.”
Joey: “No, pour diesel fuel. That will take it out.”
Me: “I can’t breathe. I’m going to gag. This is horrible. Don’t touch anything in this truck.”
Dad: “You get used to it.”

As we drove past the Quaker Creek Store (http://www.quakercreekstore.com) my dad says with a smile “hey, you can smell the lunch special at Quaker Creek.” I replied with “Are you crazy? I just smell skunk.”

After I got home I called my mom and asked her if she could smell him.

Mom: “Yes! Are you nuts. He left his clothes outside.”
Me: “What was it on?”
Mom: (laughing) “He thinks now his pants were sprayed.

Just another day on the farm.

The usual and some wacky odds and ends ….

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So … first, I’m looking to buy a used jeep to replace my ailing Ford Explorer/Eddie Bauer. Been on Craigslist for a few months and finally spotted a potential up in Rock Hill, NY, about 45 minutes north of me. My dad called the guy and we set off to look at it this morning. On the way dad and I chatted … here is the best exchange:

Dad: “I went to see the urologist yesterday morning.”
Me: (pausing from texting and perked up for what was about to be delivered) “And?”
Dad: “The doctor wanted a urine sample, but I didn’t have to go much. When I handed it to them I said, ‘my fluids are low, if I was an engine a check fluid light would have gone off to alert me.'”
Me: “How on earth did they react?”
Dad: “They laughed … that’s cute isn’t it, it just popped into my head.”
Me: “What did mom think?”
Dad: “She said ‘that’s not funny Richie!'”

Before we knew it, we got to the exit off of NY 17 for Rock Hill. The seller told my dad to call him for final directions when we got off the exit. The exit ended in a t and we chose to slowly go to the right. I tried to call the dude but the phone eventually went to voicemail. We pulled off the road and I tried again. On the third time he picked up. It sounded as if I woke him up, or he was stoned. I told him we just got off the exit and he said to go left and then said something about a sharp curve and even after repeating himself four times I could not decipher the rest of what he was saying. We proceeded along slowly and within a half mile or even less we saw the jeep.

As we pulled in the driveway we found debris everywhere, toys, and just general stuff, including what appeared to be a ripped open bag of garbage. Shortly after we got out of the car the owner appeared. We shook hands and then he proceeded to back the truck up for us. There was considerable more rust and damage than he indicated in the ad … and the truck was a filthy mess inside of it. My dad says to the owner “looks like you put up the picture of the good side” and then chuckled like he does. The guy either just woke up or was on something. My dad says to him “there’s quite a bit of rust here” and he responds with, a bit loud, “what, are you crazy?”

I just want to get out of there … we are on the border of the lands with the sort of people that make you squeal like a pig … if you get my drift, and I don’t want to irritate anyone. I’m giving my dad looks to shut up, which he never saw. We left it with I would get back to him.

Me: “I don’t want that, it’s not worth a fraction of what he’s charging. And it was filthy inside. Who sells something like that?”
Dad: “I know, and did you see the cup holder? It was wet … with something sticky in it.”

My dad made a point of mentioning this to me like 3 times.

On the way back my dad says:

Dad: “What a mess outside, what do you think it looked like inside? I wouldn’t give him $100 for it. And the wife was still sleeping he said …at 9:30, still sleeping.”
Me: “I know.”
Dad: “One time a couple of years ago I went to see an air compressor that I saw an ad for. Place looked like this one outside. The guy invites me inside … he has the compressor in his BEDROOM … in his bedroom (chuckles). What a mess, guys sleeping all over. I was going to buy it but he said ‘how do I know your check is good?’ What does he think I’m going to do, it’s a good check! I ended up not buying it.”

I thought this would be the most interesting exchanges for me today. But I was wrong. At around 1pm I got a call from someone in Goshen. Speaking of “squealing like a pig” as I mentioned before …

Me: “Hello?”
Woman: “Is this the farm on Pulaski Highway?
Me: (short pause) “Uhm, yes, one of them.”
Woman: “One of them … good. Can you tell me who has some pigs? I have a bunch of relative from NYC who are coming to visit today. They have a bunch of small children. They’d like to see some baby pigs. Know where we can find them?”
Me: (holding back laughter … and thinking about my friend from the Ukraine Boris who stopped at the farm a few years ago looking for “back fat from pig, 2 to 3 inches thick, 2,000 to 3,000 lbs”) “Well … offhand no but let me ask my friend Maire at Cornell Cooperative Extension and see what I can find out. I’ll text her and call you back.”
Woman: “Thank you!”

About an hour later Maire texted me back and said she knew of no one locally that raised pigs, or had a petting zoo like that, but, they could go to Bellvale Farms Creamery in Warwick and they have tours of their dairy farm on the weekend and great ice cream. So, I called her back, related the information and she was very excited and thanked me profusely.

Strangest thing today … of course the day isn’t over yet.

My quite intelligent son who suffers from short term memory loss now has a NYS Driver’s Permit … LOOKOUT!

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Yes … today, my son #1 caleb got a 95% on the written permit test and has been awarded a NYS Learner’s Permit to drive … on the highway no less.

I say he suffers from short term memory loss because frequently I ask him to do something … like take out the garbage or clean the cat litter boxes and he looks at me, nods his head, says “uh huh” and then goes back to what he was doing, ignoring my request.

I love him but … ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!

It was my first trip to a DMV in something like 29 years … I now know why I have not returned in so long of a time. They make you go through the initial line twice, then take a number like you are asking for cold cuts at the deli counter at Shop Rite. While we waited a very scary woman kept staring at me with big bug eyes … I should have gotten a picture. Instead, all I got was one shot of the deli counter number.

When I got home I took a ride with my dad and told him Caleb passed the test:

Me: “Yup, Caleb passed the permit test.”
Dad: “What? First I hear of this.”
Me: “We literally just got back.”
Dad: “I didn’t know he was going.”
Me: “I told you yesterday … well he has it now.”
Dad: “Good, he can drive the 3rd AC-G and hook the onions with us on Monday.”
Me: “That’s the spirit!”

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HV Biz article on the Farm Bill that I am quoted in!

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Very cool article from HV Biz on the Farm Bill that I am quoted in:

http://westfaironline.com/55039/farm-bill-features-big-stakes-uncertain-future/

Check it out!

“Do you like sex?”

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Just got a call from credit card company representative to lower the interest rates on a number of my credit cards. Sounded like he was from India or Pakistan. He was nice and said the offer was not to transfer balances or open a new account but to lower the rates on existing accounts. I didn’t quite understand what entity he actually worked for.

I eventually interrupted him and told him my lovely wife Eve makes those decisions and calls. Here is the exchange:

Telemarketer: “But sir, your name is officially on these accounts … I must speak with you.”

Me: “Yeah, but she makes the calls.”

Telemarketer: “But sir, you are named as the primary card holder.”

Me: “Dude, are you married.”

Telemarketer: (pause … because he is caught off guard): “Excuse me?”

Me: “Are you married?”

Telemarketer: “Yes … why?”

Me: “I don’t think you are really married because you would understand that when I say my wife makes these decisions I mean it.”

Telemarketer: “But ….”

Me: “Do you like sex?”

Telemarketer: (pause, then a giggle) “Uhm … yes sir … I see where you are going with this … you do not want to sleep outside in the garage.”

Me: “I don’t mind sleeping outside … if I get sex … won’t get it for a long time if I pull the trigger here. You need to speak with my wife when she gets home from work.”

Telemarketer: “Yes sir … (laughing) I will have someone call later … and I hope you sleep with your wife tonight.”

Me: “Me too!”

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Catch me on the radio!

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Hey everyone … be sure to check me out at 9:00 am eastern daylight time today on WTBQ and “The Roundtable With Frank Fornario … Life, Love & Chocolate Chip Cookies!”

If you aren’t local you can listen online:

http://www.wtbq.com/programming/monday-schedule/index.phpImage

A Comedy of Errors … AND One Close Call

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Sometimes things can go wrong on the farm … and those wrong things can snowball into a chain of events that can ruin your day. Like yesterday. Allow me to elaborate:

On Friday afternoon into early Friday evening we sprayed 62 of our 99 acres of onions with some post emerge herbicides. Our new employee  Brendan drove the army truck around which is our tank truck and my dad and I sprayed on our two Farmall Cub sprat rigs. Overall things went well, until we about finished up the first big tank … my dad’s Cub inexplicably would not start without a jump. Uh oh. Well, we jumped it later and finished the 2nd tank for the 62 acres at around 7:00pm.

Saturday morning my dad called me early to tell me he and my brother changed their minds and wanted to spray their remaining 37 acres on Saturday, because rain was coming and you need the onions to have a good waxy coat to spray the materials we would spray. An onion develops a waxy coat with adequate sunshine and rain breaks down the waxy coat. Ok … fine … no problem.

MISTAKE TIME: My dad called the repair guy Kenny to tell him that his Cub was not taking a charge. That usually spells problem with the generator. My dad said he told Kenny we needed to spray still. Well, my dad and I went out to the fields to put flags in our spray rows and by the time we got back Kenny was already there and started to take the tractor apart. T was exactly what we thought … the generator. So I call my dad over and told him what Kenny was doing. and my dad rushed over to say to Kenny “Uh Kenny .. we have to spray today.” Kenny: (loudly and frustrated, because he started to take the Cub apart) “Well, nobody told me.” My dad sheepishly responded he did in his message … but I doubt it. Kenny is a good mechanic and the last thing I wanted to do was piss him off so I said, reluctantly, “Don’t worry, I’ll just spray  it myself.” We would have to do 2 separate tank mixes and spray at 3 different locations. Well … so much for drinking a 4Loko and mowing my lawn later.

The first tank, which was 7.5 acres at two locations, went uneventful and the tractor was parked at the second location, where I had 26.5 acres more to spray. The third location was 3 acres by the house. Okay, we mix the tank and get out there. I was still hoping to get to lawn mowing later. Now, as aI started to spray the second tank the sun was completely gone and clouds were really filling in. Next thing you know … a drop here .. a drop there. Oh brother. So, I spray 11 acres and move to the next section and as I go up the first field (this video shows what it looks like from my perspective to spray: http://youtu.be/UX089CSqNIw ) I look to my boom on my right and see a leak … a leak where chemicals are spewing out … not really bad … but bad enough. It’s part of the boom that broke the last time I sprayed and my dad’s fix didn’t take. So, as I am coming back down the field I wave to my dad to come to me. So, he has to call my mom so she can pick him up and he can get the material for the temporary fix … you guessed it … electrical tape. So, I have to sit there and wait for him to get back. He puts the tape on and now it’s not so much spewing … more like a weak pee stream (can I just say I’m ordering this on Monday: http://www.asseenontv.com/flex-seal/detail.php?p=346830 ) but, it’s acceptable.

But now, the rain is more of a steady drizzle or mist. I finish that 10 acre block and move to the last 5.5 acres at this location before we have to move one more time. As I am finishing spraying my radio ..my boom box … my source of music and what makes this job bearable … GETS FRIED FROM THE RAIN! HOLY CRAP, I AM NOW PISSED! (see photo)

I finish the field and try to load my sprayer on the truck … well the ramps are wet and I start to spin as I go up them onto the trailer and nearly flip the tractor. So, I yell to my dad to fill me up full and to drive the dump truck and trailer back and have my mom bring him back for the tank truck and I will drive the spray rig the mile or so down the road from this location tot he fields behind my parent’s house and I’ll spray them. In the meantime my dad and I are fighting … he’s blaming Kenny for taking the tractor apart and me for going along with it and I’m screaming no, after today we won’t need to spray for 2 weeks and he DIDN’T NEED TO CALL KENNY THIS &*%$#@) MORNING BUT COULD HAVE WAITED TILL TOMORROW, OR MONDAY OR TUESDAY ETC …!

I pull on to Pulaski Highway (the road is really wet) and only after maybe 50 feet or so I hear a pretty loud snap and the tractor bops a bit. So, while wearing my spray mask and goggles, going in third gear (maybe 12 mph or so), in the rain, with full tanks, I start visually scanning as I’m driving down the road to see what the hell that was … and I look at the front and then rear axles and then I see it (this all takes place in a minute or so) … on the one side it looks like 5 bolts are connecting the wheel axle to the frame while on my right side there looks to be only 2 bolts left and the axle appears to be separating … HOLY CRAP!

If the wheel separates I will obviously crash. I will most likely survive it … providing I’m not tossed off the tractor and crushed. But, I’m loaded with material. Now, it’s not much material … 35 gallons of water to the acre and the chemical is only 1.5 ounces to the acre so it isn’t a lot of material but still … if I crash and those tanks burst … holy moly what a mess that would be … assuming I’m not hurt that bad.

So now I’m just hoping I make it to my parent’s driveway … and then I am just praying I make it to the lawn.

I make it. My dad pulls up in his jeep and I wave him over. I start pointing to the wheel and he has this expression on his face of “oh crap!” So, he drives to get the forklift, so as to add some bolts and I have my mom take me for the tank truck. After bringing back the tank truck my dad tells me he couldn’t put in any replacement bolts because all of the bolts had been sheared off and a portion of them was still stuck in them. So he tightened the two remaining bolts and told me not to use the brakes.

No kidding dad.

I had just enough material to finish those fields and I gently drove the tractor back tot he barn.

Then my lovely wife came out to see why I was just getting back at 5pm. After I vented a bit she brought me a beer and things got a wee bit better.

Next week will be 4Loko lawn mowing time for sure.

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What’s next … sex tips from “Joe Rapist?”

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Got some great spam this morning … it’s for $1,595 in funds ready to be sent to me.

Do I believe this? Not really … but, note to spammers … if you are going to send out spam like this promising to lend fantastic sums of money to total strangers I’d suggest using a different name than “todd crook.”

Oh, my favorite part of spam like this … the nonsense gobbledegook at the end … it is fantastic poetry.

From: “todd crook” <Lap@likerightcompany.com>
Subject: It’s All For You…1,595 in Funds
Date: May 18, 2013 3:59:32 PM EDT
To:
Feel All Alone in Your Financial-Woes, eve***********?

Funds-1,595
Ready to Send

With rising costs and prospects of making more not
coming through, you very well could use this infusion of funds:
http://ron.likerightcompany.com/spn.asp?expires=5771352267b+835717550otta/ctrl=87231707

Stack of bills on the counter?
It doesn’t have to be that way.

Take us up on this today while funds last.

Sincerely,

Kelly Reyna

it’s of no consequence if you want to cease these here:
http://ron.likerightcompany.com/spn.asp?expires=5771352267b+835717550otta/ctrl=76198612

Advancing sexual and reproductive health worldwide through research, policy analysis and public education New York  Maiden Lane, New York, NY  Tel. .., Fax .. info.guttmacher.org Washington D.C.  Connecticut Avenue, N.W., Suite , Washington, DC  Tel .., Fax .. policyinfoguttmacher.orgDepartment of Reproductive Health and Research World Health Organization  Geneva  Switzerland Tel. … rhrpublications.who.intwww.guttmacher.orgJanuary Please wait…If this message is not eventually replaced by the proper contents of the document, your PDF viewer may not be able to display this type of document. You can upgrade to the latest version of Adobe Reader for Windows, Mac, or Linux by visiting http..www.adobe.comproductsacrobatreadstep.html. For more assistance with Adobe Reader visit httpwww.adobe.comsupportproducts acrreader.html.Windows is either a registered trademark or a trademark of Microsoft Corporation in the United States and.or other countries. Mac is a trademark of Apple Inc., registered in the United States and other countries. Linux is the registered trademark of Linus Torvalds in the U.S. and other countries.CanMEDSFamily MedicineWorking Group on Curriculum Review October CanMEDSFamily MedicineWorking Group on Curriculum Review October :Canadian Family Physician  Le Mdecin de famille canadien Vol . FEBRUARY  FVRIER Web exclusive ResearchManagement of aboriginal and nonaboriginal people with chronic kidney disease in QuebecQualityofcare indicatorsJason Michael Patapas MSc Ana Chelene Blanchard Sameena Iqbal Murray Vasilevsky MD FRCP David Dannenbaum MD CCFPMD FRCP MScAbstractObjective To compare qualityofcare indicators for management of patients with chronic kidney disease CKD and type  diabetes among the James Bay Cree of Northern Quebec with those among residents of Montreal, Que. Design A crosssectional survey using medical records from patients seen between  and . Setting Predialysis clinics of the McGill University Health Centre in Montreal. Participants Thirty Cree and  nonaboriginal patients older than  years of age with type  diabetes mellitus and estimated glomerular filtration rates of less than  mL.min. m. Main outcome measures Rates of anemia, iron deficiency, obesity, and renoprotective medication use among aboriginal and nonaboriginal patients. Results Overall, the Cree patients were younger  vs  years of age, P  . and weighed more  vs  kg, P  .. The  groups were prescribed medication to control blood pressure, lipids, and phosphate levels at similar rates, but the Cree patients were more likely to receive renoprotective agents  vs , P  .. Despite similar rates of erythropoietin supplementation, the Cree patients were at greater risk of anemia, with an adjusted risk ratio of .  CI . to .. Conclusion Cree patients with CKD were younger, weighed more, and were more likely to receive renoprotective agents. With the exception of the management of anemia, quality of CKD care was similar between the  groups. Anemia education for family physicians and continuous monitoring of quality indicators must be implemented in northern Quebec. ManagementEditors kEy points of Cree patients with chronic kidney disease and diabetes was equivalent to management of nonaboriginal patients.

Ye Shall Do Things Thrice!

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Centuries ago … in some crap hole in the darkest corner of Europe my great great great great great great great great great great grandfather was cursed … cursed by an evil Carpathian Overlord that my ancestors severely displeased ….

And that curse was …

Ye Shall Do Things Thrice!

Yes … my poor ancestor did something to really piss the land’s overlord off and he subjected him and his posterity to do things over and over again!

And that’s how it works on Pawelski Farm … we don’t do things once .. we do it twice or three times. We move a tractor, then move it back … then move it back again. Get the wrench … no, put it back … no “deliver unto me the f&^%$#@ wrench!”

Somewhere in the nether regions a displeased and unsatisfied Carpathian Overlord laughs … and laughs some more!

http://youtu.be/GP2JPwbtq0gImage

My dad and Superstar Billy Graham

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My dad is a lot like Billy Graham … no, not the tv preacher but the old-time professional wrestler. I remember reading an article about him back in the 70’s and in the article said he didn’t comb his own hair or do anything … he just dictated to people “comb my hair” or “tie my shoes” or stuff like that. He must have once served in the military or something because …

… that’s just like my dad. My dad was once in the army and some aspects of army life have never left him. He quite frequently will look at me and say “do this” or “do that.” No please … just do it … just like the Superstar. No, it’s not to comb his hair but to get him a wrench or move something with the forklift … I’m in the army … under Rich’s command … I’m the servant of “Superstar Rich Pawelski!”

PS … classic Superstar Billy Graham quotes:

  • I lift barbell plates. I eat T-bone steaks. I’m sweeter than a German chocolate cake. How much more of me can you take?
  • I’m the reflection of perfection, the number one selection.
  • I’m the man of the hour, the man with the power, too sweet to be sour.
  • I am the women’s pet, the men’s regret. What you see is what you get. And what you don’t see is better yet.
  • I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. There’s nobody as beautiful or as powerful as me!
  • I am the sensation of the nation. The number-one creation.
  • This is what the world waits for. The world out there asks, ‘What’s the Superstar going to wear next?’ Not, ‘Who’s he going to whip next?’ but what in the world is the Superstar going to wear. And I’ve got millions of letters saying, ‘Superstar, would you please lay some yellow on me, daddy?’
  • Marilyn Monroe looks her best when she is sitting on the Superstar’s chest (On wearing a Marilyn Monroe t-shirt.)
  • What you gonna do when the Superstar comes down on you?