Tag Archives: Chris Pawelski

Our meeting with Vice President Al Gore’s soft buttery hands and how I once got Paul Harvey to issue a semi-correction

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The following is another excerpt from my yet unpublished memoir, “Muckville: Farm Policy, Media and the Strange Oddities of Semi-Rural Life.” It deals with our brief meeting with Vice President Al Gore.

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In late 1999 our good friend Pat O’Dwyer arraigned for Eve, my brother and I to meet with Vice President (and presidential candidate) Gore at LaGuardia Airport. Now, I thought we had a friend in Gore because a few months earlier I had done him a solid favor. You see, Paul Harvey, in an October broadcast, reported that the Vice President at a White House ceremony, while presenting a national award to a Colorado FFA member, was told by this FFA member he one day planned a career in production agriculture. The Vice President, according to Harvey, then told this FFA member that there was no future for them in that career path, for production agriculture is being shifted out of the U.S. to the third world, thanks in no small part to a Vice President-assisted U.N. initiative known as Agenda 2000.

When I first heard this story my initial reaction was “urban legend.”

So, I started researching it and kept calling various publications and organizations that were supposed to be the source of this story. Bottom line, no one could verify it. It turned out to be an unsubstantiated and unverified tall tale.

I called the Vice President’s office in the afternoon of October 22, 1999 to ask about this story and if the Vice President had any comment about it. After 5:30 p.m. a woman from the Vice President’s staff called me back. She said Gore denied the story to the Iowa media on Wednesday and then faxed me a little press release concerning his denial of this really weird tale.

On October 27, 1999 I called Paul Harvey’s staff. I told them why I was calling, concerning that Gore story. Right away his staffer put the blame on Agri-News, identifying them as the source. I told her that yes, I contacted Agri-News, and then their source, the Wyoming Wool Growers, and bottom line, neither could provide any credible evidence or substantiation for that story. I pointed out that not even a date for the event can be provided. I asked her if she realized that the story prompted a denial on the part of the Vice President. She said that the Vice President’s office in fact did call them (SURPRISE SURPRISE) to deny the story and was supposed to send them something but never got back to them. I told her they got back to me and asked her if she would like a copy of what they sent me. She said she would. I told her how this story circulated like wildfire, thanks in no small part to Mr. Harvey, and I know some people that actually called their Congressional representatives  and Senators in outrage over it, who now look a bit like idiots. She kept saying what a shame it was.

When I sent the fax I wrote, in part, the following: “To Paul Harvey’s staff person, Here is what I received from the VP’s office on Friday. I’m sure if you call Ms. Ratcliff she could provide further details. I look forward to hearing Mr. Harvey’s retraction and apology to the VP for reading that story.”

Surprisingly, during his October 29, 1999 broadcast Paul Harvey commented that the Gore comments to the FFA students that was reported in AgriNews was denied by the Vice President. The Vice President thinks there is bright future for people in agriculture. Harvey took no responsibility for broadcasting misinformation. He only reported that Gore denies the comments as was reported. This still leaves folks with the opinion that Harvey’s report may have been factual and the Vice President was merely changing his story. But, it was the closest that Harvey would come and I later heard the Vice President’s team was very pleased with the work I had done with regard to this. I also published all of the details regarding this incident on a number of farmer related websites and discussion groups.

So, I thought we had a friend in Gore. When we met him at LaGuardia I actually got some press to cover it, including RNN news

The Vice President’s advance team were floored that the press was there. We had a whole bunch of information for Gore, including ways in which to fix the crop insurance program and legislative language for our disaster aid. We also gave him information how the Administration could give us our aid directly via discretionary money available in the Commodity Credit Corporation (CCC). We had maybe 2 or 3 minutes with him. I still remember how soft his hands were, like butter. And Eve and I both noticed how “fresh” he smelled. Quite fresh. My brother Brian used a joke I gave him when he reached to shake his hand. My brother said:

“It’s an honor and privilege to finally meet the man … that was once Tommy Lee Jones’ roommate (actor Jones and Gore were roommates at the University of Tennessee).

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It caught Gore off guard for a second, then he burst out laughing and said it was his “claim to fame.” I wanted to say how the years have been far kinder to him than they have to Jones, but thought better of it and bit my tongue. When I started to go into our problems and what help we specifically needed he put his hand up to cut me off and said something to the effect that we would discuss it another time and implied he would get back to us.

We never heard from Gore again. But, we did get some awesome pictures out of the meeting.

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The McTrip from Hell

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The following is another excerpt from my yet unpublished memoir, “Muckville: Farm Policy, Media and the Strange Oddities of Semi-Rural Life.”

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The McTrip from Hell

In late February of 2010 I had a 3 day trip down to Washington, D.C. and Capitol Hill. Because of an approaching blizzard I canceled my meetings for the final day and I switched from a 4 p.m. train to the 9 a.m. Acela, so as to maybe beat the snow and get home ahead of the blizzard. So far so good. About halfway home, just outside of Philadelphia we came to an abrupt stop. Yes, we stopped. This was a first for me, after taking the Amtrak train back and forth over the last three years or so.

After 10 minutes we started moving … backwards. The conductor then announced that someone was hit, a “trespasser” was the term she used, on the tracks. Not by us but by a southbound train. So we had to go back to a junction and switch tracks. And then eventually we would go forward again. But first we sat a half hour or so … and it started to snow heavily … tick tock, tick tock.

The conductors on our train were not exactly forthcoming with information so I called Eve on my cell and asked her to find out what the hell was going on. Eve called Amtrak and found out not one but two dummies were hit by the southbound train. Two young girls, 10th  graders or so, who decided to skip out of school and walk on the train tracks to get to wherever they were skipping to. He said to Eve “we can’t travel anywhere near the speed we’d like to because of stuff like this that happens.”

Hmm … one wonders how often “stuff like this” does happen? He told Eve there are now five  or six trains, not sure if he meant all were northbounds, were sitting and waiting until the tracks are cleared by law enforcement. Because now it was a crime scene, thanks to the two young “Darwin Award” winners, though I wasn’t sure at that point if they had died or not. I know that sounds cruel, but why would anyone walk on train tracks for a very active, commuter train line?

After close to an hour we were finally on the move forward. We were on restricted speed for 3 miles then we finally made it to the Philadelphia station. I asked Eve if the two girls had died and she said “what do you think?”

Finally, a couple of hours late, I made it to Penn Station in NYC. I then hopped on a connecting train to the new facility at Secaucus Junction. But, thanks to the delays, I missed all of the early Metro North trains from Secaucus Junction to my stop in Harriman, New York. So I called my parents and told them I would be getting there late, probably close to 6:00pm. My parents agreed earlier to pick me up, because Eve had to stay home and watch the boys. My dad said to me when I called him to tell him when I thought I would get to Harriman, “it’s a blizzard, you know.” I replied, “I know, take my Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer, it’s got 4 wheel drive.”

When my train finally arrived in Harriman it was a full blown blizzard. The roads were heavily covered with snow. I had gotten on a 9:00 a.m. train and now it was 5:30 p.m. and snowing like crazy.

In normal conditions, at least a 30 minute drive from home. But, this wasn’t normal driving conditions. I’m not talking about the snow, I’m talking about my ride with my parents.

My parents were all set on eating at Wendy’s on the way home.  White out conditions, a foot and a half of snow with more falling but we must stop. Well, when we pulled into the Wendy’s in Chester, it was closed. My mom said “how strange.” I replied, “what are you, Nanook of the North? It’s insane to expect them to be open.” My mom said in reply, “I suppose.” But then she stretches her neck and exclaims,  “Hey McDonald’s down the road looks open.” And off to McDonald’s we went.

Did I mention it was a blizzard?

Yes, we must stop and eat at the McDonald’s in Chester. We are the only lunatics there and they are closing once we leave. As we stop at the napkin and condiment island my dad says, in his best conspiratorial voice, “you know these cups for ketchup are smaller here than at Wendy’s” “I did not know that” I replied We sit and eat as quickly as possible, though my dad isn’t eating quick enough for my mom’s liking. “Look at him” she snarls, “eating one French fry at a time. HURRY UP!” she demands. I thought she was going to throw one of her French fries at him. Then she said to me “wait till he starts picking his teeth with his straw.” My dad got the hint from mom and quickened the pace and soon we were crawling on the back roads to home. If I died on the way home at least I would have had one last dining McExperience.

This entire fiasco was chronicled, live, on Facebook. As I posted after we left McDonald’s:

“UPDATE: we are sitting stuck on the Florida-Chester road. I’m stuck with two lunatics. We have no idea why traffic isn’t moving but at least we ate our f*#+ing Happy Meal at McDonalds. You cannot make this sh#t up.”

I then looked at the dash and I saw we had less than a quarter tank of gas. The possibility now loomed we could run out of gas on the way home. I posted on Facebook: “I will be impaling myself with my straw if we don’t start moving soon.”

After about 20 minutes we were finally on the move. But the bad news, my parents started fighting. Or, my mom was fighting and my dad was taking a verbal walloping. I wish I could share it all but it was far too much material for me to chronicle. I literally couldn’t keep up. And it must have been 150 degrees in the truck. I wanted to bail out or be put out of my misery.

Once we were about two to three miles from home I texted Eve to have the bourbon ready.

At about 9:00 p.m. I finally arrived home, 12 hours after I had left Washington, DC. Truly a trip from Hell.

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My new Kickstarter campaign has officially launched!

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Well, it is official … my new Kickstarter campaign has officially launched.

Link:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1176629437/muckville-a-memoir-of-the-public-policy-life-of-a-0

Since my failed previous campaign I have hooked up with a professional editor eager and willing to intensively edit my manuscript. She edited my Kickstarter project and it was an intensive, line by line edit.

Like the other handful of people that have seen all or part of my first draft she is very excited about it and its potential. She thinks I’m a very good story teller and is very excited to work on it.

That’s where you all come in … her proposal to do the project is very reasonable (I’ve gotten other offers the past few months from other editors across the country) and she is excited about the work. But I simply do not have $5,500 to pay her.

I wish a time traveler would give me winning Powerball numbers but that simply has not happened yet. Until it does I need your help. If you can contribute … fantastic … if you could spread the word among your social networks … even better.

In the meantime check out the new verbiage and video … AND THANK YOU!

Kickstarter campaign!

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I’m launching another Kickstarter project in the next couple of days to try and raise funds for an editor for my unpublished memoir, “Muckville: Farm Policy, Media and the Strange Oddities of Semi-Rural Life.” I’ve met a professional editor via Twitter and she wants to edit my work. She edited my Kickstarter page and did a great job. She has worked with authors who have gotten published.

She has read part of my memoir already and has said, and I quote:

“I haven’t gotten very far – I am only up to the part about farm workers and the Amen Industry. You are a very good storyteller. If you are willing to put in the work required, I think you have really got something here.”

I hope you can all spread the word once it is launched.

Another meniscus tear ….

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Back in 2008 I noticed a funny thing going on with my left knee. Every time I would kneel on it and put pressure on it it felt as if I was kneeling in and grinding my knee in broken glass. It would also burn and hurt when I worked the barn forklift by the end of the day. After delaying for months, hoping it would get better on its own, I went to a fantastic local Orthopedic Surgeon, Dr. John Juliano.

http://www.crystalrunhealthcare.com/Find-a-Doctor/Doctor-Profile.aspx?docID=96

He had an MRI done and sure enough, I had a meniscus tear. In late December, when Eve started her break from work, I had arthroscopic surgery done on my knee and within a couple of months, well before the start of the new growing season, I was totally back to normal … or as normal as I typically get.

Fast forward to this year … I’m chasing our one cat around, Bauer, and I go to my knees to try and catch him under the bed and …. YOW!

Once again, once I kneel on it it feels as if I’m kneeling in broken glass.

In October I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Juliano again

(I brought him two red onions)

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and he ordered another MRI. In my follow-up visit (which this Thursday will be 2 weeks ago) he said that the MRI was not 100% definitive but it appears I have another tear. He suggested I try a steroid shot in my knee and see how that worked. If after the shot the pain is reduced I could skip the surgery but if not I could get the surgery.

Ever see the size of those needles they use to inject the steroid into your knee? I never had either, until like an idiot I made the mistake of glancing at it as he thrust it into my knee.

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Holy crap, that was a needle! I’m not one that gets squeamish around needles, but did I mention, that’s a huge friggen needle?

And my knee actually hurt for 4 days afterward. Even after the shot discomfort subsided my knee still felt weird. So much so I reduced the weight I placed on it all week as I worked the forklift and bundled the boxes as we graded onions.

(like you see demonstrated here)

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That compensation, favoring my right leg and side over my left, led to me horribly screwing up my back this week. So much so I had to see my friend at a local therapeutic massage establishment to work on my back and neck this Saturday. She is a wonderful healer, and her work on my back Saturday helped, but it’s still messed up.

So, what do I do? Do I get the surgery or not?

I can stand the pain. That doesn’t bother me. And it isn’t often I am on my knees while doing my various farm tasks over the season.

One exception, when I sit on the back of the planter, as demonstrated this spring when Caleb and I were on the back of the planter as we planted a field of my dad’s onions.

As I told Dr. Juliano, I don’t mind the pain. My concern is this, what happens if I do nothing and then in the middle of my growing next season my knee tears even worse, requiring surgery then? What do I do then? I can’t afford to not be able to work April-October.

It’s now a week and a half after getting the steroid shot and I still feel the “kneeling in glass” sensation when I kneel and put pressure on it. The shot didn’t change that at all. Also now there are times during the day it throbs or I have minor discomfort that I didn’t notice before. And it hurts pretty significantly at the end of the day when I operate the forklift all day.

So what say you? What should I do? Get the surgery or not?

Here are some interesting links on this:

http://www.orthogate.org/patient-education/knee/meniscal-injuries.html

http://www.miamisportsmedicine.com/MeniscalInjury.html

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Orthopedics/peculiar-knee-pain/show/415976

 

My dad, the “Fred G. Sanford” of the neighborhood and his onetime CSI investigation

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The following below is an excerpt from my unpublished memoir, “Muckville: Farm Policy, Media and the Strange Oddities of Semi-Rural Life.”

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My dad in March of 2012 got a new, HD TV and a new entertainment center to house it, so, he decided to sell the old one. My dad is the “Fred G. Sanford” of the neighborhood. He is constantly selling crap along the highway … next to my house! The problem … he is starting to attract human vermin. You have to see some of the “people” (notice the quotation marks) that pull in here to sample his wares. Holy crap … half the time they are refugees from any “Mad Max” movie or “The Hills Have Eyes.” This isn’t next to his house … it’s next to mine! But, he just loves to sell stuff, it’s in his blood.

Well, a few days after he had the stand sitting alongside the road, on a Sunday morning thieves stole it. “I have a clue, 3 small white stones,” he says. Someone cue “Who Are You” from “CSI.” My dad called the police, the Town of Warwick police, who actually came and took a report. The office didn’t offer up much hope for recovery. My dad though was not to be deterred, he launched his own investigation. He called virtually everyone in the neighborhood, asking them if they had seen any suspicious vehicles driving around. One neighbor said they might have seen an unusual white pick-up truck. How did that fit with the white stones he recovered at the crime scene? He wasn’t sure.

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He then decided to do a new tact … public shame. He made two signs and put them out by the highway. One said “Who Stole TV Cabinet?” and the other “SHAME ON YOU!” Oh superb, we now had those kooky signs along the road, attracting even more attention. You should have seen the Facebook posts from friends about it. I was mortified, but my dad was not budging.

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But you know what? The signs worked!

About three days later, as we were eating dinner I got a knock on my door from a guy that looked my age, maybe a bit older … he said “my son took your TV stand on Sunday … I think there was a misunderstanding.” The guy was a bit apprehensive. I could tell he was trying to gauge how angry I was going to be. So I started laughing a bit, which eased the tension on his end.

I said to him, “oh, it wasn’t mine. It was my dad’s. He’s the ‘Fred. G. Sanford’ of the neighborhood.” The man replied, “Well, my name is Mark, (shakes my hand) and I sent my son to take a look at it on Sunday. I was on my way to church. Well, he just took it. He thought it was for free. He didn’t see any signs.” I replied. “Well, it was for sale, there was a sign next to the plows.” “Oh, yeah, my son saw that, but he thought it was just for the plows. Well, how much is it?” he asked.

I told him in reply I wasn’t sure but asked him to hang on a minute. “Let me call my dad. He’ll come right over. He’s going to love this.” Mark nervously said,  “Okay. I just want to make it right. You see, I drove by on my motorbike on Tuesday and saw the sign that said ‘Shame on you.’” I burst out laughing and told him “that’s my dad. He did call the cops about it. And found some stones as clues. And talked to the neighbors who saw a suspicious white pick-up who told him that drives by every day. I think he was on stakeout today.” “Is your dad going to be as cool about this as you are?” “Oh yeah.”

So my dad pulls in at that moment … laughing. My dad said, “I had some wine with dinner so I drove here thru the black dirt.”

Mark then repeats the story and my dad repeats his crime detecting skills.

Mark asks “So how much did you want for it?” My dad responds with “well … $100 or best offer.” Mark responds with “Okay.” My dad says “make it $75.” Mark counters with “how about $80?” My dad says “deal!”

My dad tells him, “I was staking out for the white pickup truck today because I was told it goes by every day.” Mark said, “well, mine is gold so I guess I was in the clear.” He paid my dad, we all laughed and Mark went on his way.

My beautiful Russian bride to be and our e-mail romance or … a fake bride to be meets a time traveling soldier from the future!

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In 2011 my onion crop was utterly destroyed by Hurricane Irene and Tropical Storm Lee.

I was so desperate, looking to prod the Congress into providing a crop loss program I put a 50lb bag of onions on eBay for $150,000.

By December of 2011 I was very deep in debt and still unsure as to what I would do next. I was under a great deal of pressure and very depressed. I needed something to divert my attention.

And on December 12th, 2011, I got a spam/scam e-mail that was just what the doctor ordered.

Normally I just quickly delete such nonsense but this time I decided to respond and see where it went. Below is the entire chain of e-mails between my potential Russian bride and myself. Also included are the actual sent pictures. My friends on Facebook enjoyed this immensely as I posted all of it as it happened back in 2011. I hope you all enjoy it as well!

From: “ANGEL” <ylmyyxy@hackney.gov.uk>
Subject: You look gorgeous
Date: December 12, 2011 4:33:20 PM EST
To: <evelynf@warwick.net>
Reply-To: “ANGEL” <ylmyyxy@hackney.gov.uk>

Hello there How are you currently doing? I like your profile.

Are you wanting to check out my own private pics?

Mail me at whitmancrk846@hotmail.com and i’ll answer back with my private pictures.

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: ????
Date: December 12, 2011 5:49:18 PM EST
To: whitmancrk846@hotmail.com
Hi,

I just got this e-mail:

Hello there How are you currently doing? I like your profile.

Are you wanting to check out my own private pics?

Mail me at whitmancrk846@hotmail.com and i’ll answer back with my private pictures.

What profile did you see????
C
From: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Date: December 15, 2011 5:41:01 AM EST
To: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: HELLO!

Chris hello! I am glad to receive letter from you!!
my real name is Evgeniya! Now I am writing to you from pers-l email!
I would like to have a relationship with you although I don’t know if
that’s possible in Int. but so I’m looking just for a good man!
it is my first time I try to correspondence with man in Int. world.
I want to see real life and it is impossible to see without
person who knows all sides of the life …….
Today many used a special program for young people who wants to
work abroad. I also decided to do so and to use it. This program just helps to
register documents and gives suitable work in any state(town)of USA,
Canada or Europa (or other big country). I just need to choose.
I already started to register documents and now I need to decide in which city I want to work..
I plan to work in sphere of services or trade!
I decided to find a men and make his city to be my purpose.
I will leave my town in a few days or so. I can’t tell you everything exactly right now……
..Im 24 years old. I do hope that you will be not disappointed to meet me
in real life if we will meet
Please forgive me that my e-mail starts to be too long
I also want to see your different photos and hope to know you better!
I want you to know that I have only good intentions.

I will send you more photos, I hope you’ll like it.
I think you are interested that I don`t have a boyfriend, because all
men here look on my visual aspect and I want somebody who will look inside me.
…my pictures….S E X Y….  BUT….I’M NOT INFO TAKING NAK.. PHOTS!
I really apologize if you think now I’m not a good girl…
I hope you don’t think so.. )

I hope to see your answer soon!!

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 15, 2011 10:58:34 AM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: HELLO!

Dear Evgeniya,

Thank you for your wonderful response and your fantastic pictures. You are such a beautiful woman and from the text of your e-mail you are beautiful on the inside and on the outside as well. But, I have to ask, when you say “my pictures….S E X Y….  BUT….I’M NOT INFO TAKING NAK.. PHOTS!” is that a hard and fast rule, or do you bend it a little bit? Just kidding.

A little about me, I’m 45 years old, college educated, I have an M.A. from the University of Iowa in Broadcasting and Film Studies, my specialty, the international spy and man of mystery, James Bond. I studied his ways very much. I am married 21+ years to 1 woman and the father to 2 young boys. Currently my wife wants to keep me. I am an onion farmer on a farm 1 hour north of New York City. Our crop was destroyed by a terrible flood this year and currently I am very poor. I like beer and vodka and a drink called 4 Loko. My great grandfather on my dad’s side came from Poland to start the farm and my great grand parents on my mom’s side came from the Ukraine to mine coal. We are people of the dirt and the earth. Sometimes I go to Washington DC to talk to bigwigs about the plight of the farmers. Many of the bigwigs love the farmers but currently we aren’t experiencing much love. Though my brother farms he also works as an international head hunter and has been to Russia and the Ukraine many times and speaks Russian. He also goes to Italy to vacation every winter. I am like my brother and on occasion take my family to eat at the Olive Garden restaurant.

Are you sure about the no NAK PHOTS? Just kidding.

So, what sort of man and work are you looking for? There are some men here in my neighborhood that would be interested in a beautiful person like you, but they are men of the dirt. As I said, I think my wife wants to keep me for the moment, though if she sees this e-mail she may have some second thoughts. What country are you from?

Here is a Facebook page about our weather disaster, it has some photos you can enjoy: http://www.facebook.com/savemyonionfarm?sk=wall

Well, I look forward to your response. Tell me, what is your favorite American television show? Do you like Dos Equis beer?

Talk with you soon,

Chris

From: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Date: December 16, 2011 1:00:06 PM EST
To: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: HELO!!Hello!
I sent you the LETTER yesterday and a PHOTOS !This time I will write you more about myself.
First of all my full name is:
E v g e n i y a
T r o i m o w aMy address here is:
Rus.Federation, Barkhatowo, Chkalowa street 3 flat 7, post code(zip) – 662524.I am 24years old (not too young I think?  )
My birthday is 7 January I’m 154 cm tall (5.5) and 52 kg weight..

I write to you from Internet Cafe!
There is no any messenger in this Cafe so we can only keep emailing each other?
ok, So now you have a representation of who I am….
I like to try new things..

What do you think about my new pictures?
kiss

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 16, 2011 3:55:13 PM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: HELO!!Hi Evgeniya,I sent you a reply yesterday but it seems you didn’t get it. I surmise that based on the text of this e-mail. So I will re-send what I sent you yesterday, based on your initial response, but first I will respond to this e-mail. I enjoyed your 2 new photos. You are a lovely lady that is rootin tootin sure! You are not too young, especially by Malaysian standards. I don’t know metrics but your height and weight sound quite good. I don’t like women who are tall enough to dunk a basketball and heavy enough to block a blitzing linebacker in American football.I greatly appreciated the kiss … my wife not so much.Chris

From: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Date: December 17, 2011 7:12:17 AM EST
To: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: write you more…
Reply-To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>

Hello!Chris,today I will tell my parents about you (or it is not necessarily  ??), I’m sure they will be happy that someone is waiting for me over there!

I think you should know more about my life and my hobbies
so you will know if we have any common interests.

I don’t know exactly my waist, hips measurements, I
don’t have a reason to measure it because I think it’s OK and my body is proportionate )) I take care of my body, I do aerobics three times a week and I go to the swimming pool twice a week.I have a younger brother! We all (me, my brother and my parents) live in two-rooms flat. As I wrote you I live in Russa. The name of my city is Barkhatowo, it’s near Krasnoyarsk city. Barkhatowo is very small and
Krasnoyarsk is a large city, the main city in our district. I graduated from Krasnoyarsk Humanitarian University two years ago. I`m a menager of the big shop, my city is small but we have a big shop here. Sometimes I attend courses in Krasnoyarsk so I have several diplomas, but you know in russia we don`t have good work opportunities. But this work help me to take care about myself. When I come to your city I think it won`t be a problem to find work on my specialization (I shall work as the simple seller). My mother is a teacher of music in the school. I also could play a piano a little. I like classic music, jazz, rock, lounge. I like all kinds of music! A little about my father: he is in a good shape because we usually make exercises together, he doesn`t work now, because he is retired already. I love both my parents and I’m happy my parents will be not alone when I leave them and will go to another country. Of course I will miss everybody but I want to have my own happiness!

do you have an International Airport in your city? please write me it’s name an code. or write me the name of the nearest INTERNATIONAL Airport to you.

If you want I can call you when I will be in Capital, it would be nice to talk to you. We don’t have international calls here. I suppose in few days I will fly to Moscov and start my trip! I hope you are not getting bored to read my emails?

ok… it’s time to finish my mail.

E.

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 17, 2011 12:24:21 PM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: write you more…Hi Evgeniya,As always I enjoy your e-mails and I GREATLY ENJOYED YOUR PHOTOS! It is good to see you are a fun of summer, winter and indoor sports and you take good care of yourself. I am assuming you are probably on a high fiber diet as well, which is good! Tell me, do you eat lots of onions. As I mentioned in my last e-mail, I am an onion farmer and it warms my heart when someone tells me they love onions. Onions are also very good for the digestive system. In fact, a cabbie in Washington DC once told me, “onions are good for flushing the inner cavities.” He was a very wise man and I was also told never to argue with cabbies in Washington DC anyway.My wife found my e-mails to you (she has spyware on my computer) and she wasn’t very happy. At first she threatened to beat me with an American baseball bat but then she got jealous and now we have been making love like rabbits. Frankly, I have needed an oxygen tank to satisfy her the last day. So good thing you didn’t send any NAKE photos, who knows what would have happened to me. I might have been killed, by violence or by violent love, it’s hard to tell with her.As I said I am a farmer and our crop was destroyed this year. If you go to this Facebook page you can see the sad story:http://www.facebook.com/savemyonionfarm?sk=wall Do you have any wealthy friends that can send me money? I am thousands of dollars in the hole and need lots of money and I hear in Russia there are some rich people that can help. Do you know any of them that can help me?

As I mentioned I live near NYC. I am not near any airports though. I am near some bus stations, but they are very dirty and the bad men who drink lots of whiskey and smoke meth and who like to pee in the corners sleep there. You don’t want to come there.

I have a Masters Degree in film studies and studied James Bond and have been on tv many times. I talk to politicians about onions and rivers and dirt and things of the earth. And I beg for money. What are your degrees in. I can get you a job on the farm but I don’t think you would like it much. It is hot and stinky and my dad would want to hug you all the time. He is always trying to hug the pretty news reporters. Sometimes they hug them, sometimes they don’t. He offers to let them pick rocks but they just laugh. You wouldn’t laugh at my dad, would you? He’s just 100% Polish, he can’t help it.

I’ve included a couple of pictures and if you go to the Facebook page you can see many more of the farm.

I think your body is well proportioned. Eat more onions!

Talk with you soon,

Chris

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From: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Date: December 18, 2011 6:25:04 AM EST
To: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: I wrote you not all…hello, ok!! :)I write to you thefifth letter.. I hope you read these letters?  sorry, I just want to add few things… I think last time I wrote you not all my thoughts… My mind is always in a mess when I write you because it’s hard to write everything to somebody who is so far away. I don’t remember if I wrote last time I’ve never been married, don’t have kids but I love them and they love me! I And I want to tell you that I always wanted to find an older man. Why? I have two answers.. Firstly, I think older men are much more serious and they can take care of me, they are more experienced in life and can teach me many things. Have you heard a saying “The older the violin, the sweeter the music”? I believe in it… I think I’m not that young already but I don’t have much experience in life and I want to have someone who has more experience in life then me. Secondly… maybe I’m not right about it… but I want to be honest I’ve always had such worry… if I marry a man nearly my age… and after some years I will become not that young and beautiful… I think it’s more hard for a woman to be attractive then for a man… and he will find a younger mistress and I will become very miserable. I don’t want my man to be unfaithful. I know I can be faithful to my man and I will never cheat on him.
But this is just my worries. This is not my goal. Please tell me if you think you will love your woman at any age and not find a younger one? Can you be faithful? Also I want to tell you that I learned english in university, so I don`t use any translators, and I can speak english as good as I write on it. I hope we will have no problems in communications. I feel that you are very nice man I really want to meet you. If you will not like me or something else we can be just friends. I hope I will get my work visa soon in Moscow and all documents and I come to you! I don’t have any area limits with this visa so I can work where I want. I don`t know exact day of my arrival, but as soon as I will know I will write it to you. You know, I’m just trying to be honest with you and write you all my thoughts on different issues. Please be always honest with me also….I am sending you my best pic! I am sorry for my strange attitude. My thought are so contradictive about us. This pic was taken by my girlfriend. I want you to see all of my body so you know how I look and don’t get too much surprised after we meet. I understand that it is important to all men and you’re not the exception. I respect men’s attitude. Once again, I am sorry and I hope you don’t get me wrong for sending this photo to you. I have no more similar pics! sorry!I will write you later, I will look if I have more nice photos to send you. Have a good day!Evgeniya

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 18, 2011 4:04:46 PM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: I wrote you not all…Dear Evgeniya,As always I enjoy your e-mails and your wonderful photos. I sent you a reply yesterday with some photos of me, did you get them? If you didn’t I can re-send them. I am going to include the text of my e-mail below incase you didn’t get it.I read and cherish every one of your letters. It’s okay about your mind, my mind is a mess too, but mostly from drinking too much beer and 4 Loko. I am very happy you like older men and kids, because as I mentioned I am 45 and currently married and the father of two boys. In my last e-mail I wrote how my wife discovered our e-mails via the spyware she has on my computer. She is not happy with me today. She is not very big on the idea of you coming into our lives. Do you watch the HBO tv show “Big Love?” It’s about a crazy man with many wives at once. Why would one man want many wives at once? I do not know for sure, except that his heart is so big he can’t help but share it with more than one woman … and he’s crazy too. I tied to tell my wife how good an idea this is but then she chased me with a frying pan.Currently, as I mentioned Evgeniya, I am very poor. I am a man of the dirt, I grow onions, and the river flooded me this year. This page on Facebook tells the story with sad pictures and sad stories on tv and in the press. Did you watch them? Do you like and eat onions? A woman who loves me must love onions. She must be willing to smell like an onion … all over.

http://www.facebook.com/savemyonionfarm?sk=wall

I can love a woman of any age, except 80 years old and older. That’s too old for me. I would not look for a younger mistress, I promise you that. I even told that to my wife this morning when I talked about you. And that’s the truth. I don’t think my wife is going to leave me or share me with you. She’s old fashioned in that way. She’s also a coupon clipper.

You said, “Firstly, I think older men are much more serious and they can take care of me, they are more experienced in life and can teach me many things.” What sort of things are you talking about? Love making techniques, how to parallel park, how to do credit default swaps, because there are some things I know more about than others.

I know you are looking for a man to take care of you, but currently in America we don’t have the same form of universal health care as in other western nations. We don’t have a public option with free health care for all under Obamacare, it’s just like Romneycare, which Mitt Romney was for, before we was against it. So now we have to depend on jobs with health insurance and my lovely wife currently has the job with the health insurance. So, if you come here, and she gets mad and leaves me, that will leave me with no money and no health insurance. That will mean that I will have to leave America and go back to Russia with you. So, is there space in your apartment for me in Russia to move in with you? Can you take care of an older man who would never leave you? I am a hard working man of the dirt who would love you at any age. I have some digestive issues as well as some issues regarding germs and some drinking issues as well. I am just being honest with you.

I love these new pictures so much. Do you have any more, especially like the black & white one? Please more like that? I want to see all of your body too. Men do tend to like that. By the way, what does your friend look like? Is she as hot as you?

As always I enjoy our e-mails and I look forward to the next one!

Chris

From: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Date: December 19, 2011 7:26:08 AM EST
To: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: …will be lucky to meet you…
Reply-To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>Hello!!
Chris, thank that you continue write me!!
I like to think about you and about our meeting!Now my parents don`t worry about me as before because now they know you are a kind man and can help me if I will need your help. You can show me your city and tell me about the life over there! I think I didn’t write you I like cooking. I will cook RUScuisine for you! Pelmeni, vareniki, blini, borsch, okroshka! You will like it! Besides I like Italian and Mexican. I love spaghetti and pizzza!!!!! mmm…I like bananas! I can’t live without it! I like Mexican food because it’s very spicy, although I don’t cook Mexican dishes too often. I’ve been told my cooking is very tasty! I like to cook cakes. my favorite is cheese-cake with raspberry! You know… when I talk about food I’m getting hungry ) I eat everything and I’m not on any diets but usually I don’t eat after 7 pm. This helps me not to be fat! I can cook many tasty things for you when we will meet! You know.. almost all Russian men are like bears! They are so rude, they can’t be nice and polite, they don’t want to have a family. I think you are not like them. I like to go to the cinema! I really like to watch a good movie with my friends. 50 percents of movies in our cinemas are Russian and about 50 American. actually my favorite actor is Matt Damon and I like all movies with him. I’ve watched “Adjustment Bureau” Have you seen it?
could you recommend me any American movie so I can watch it? What is your favorite movie and actor? Soooo… what else could I say? I have a driver’s licence but I don’t have a car. My father has a russian car and he gives me his car sometimes. I don`t like only cinema! I like theatre and opera too, I like ballet. I am dancing modern dances a little! Unfortunately there is only one small theatre in my city and there is nothing interesting. If I want to go to ballet, for example, I should go to Krasnoyarsk, there sometimes can come famous Russian actors and dancers but I can’t go there often because it’s quite expensive. By, the way, one thing else about my trip. Agency will help me to rent a room to stay near my future work. I will share this room with a few girls yet, it is usual procedure and it helps to pay the rent (it will be cheaper). And I have a question, is it normal if we will like each other may be it is possible to live together?of course if you or somebody doesn’t mind. As you know I will stay there for three months but If I will like there I will be able to prolong my trip. I think I will be able to improve my english and you can learn Russian and I think it will help us to learn each other better,who knows. I had no sex during one year..  Do you have a big wide bed?(joke).And now I have some good news for you! After sending this email I will go home, take my packed bags and go to Krasnoyarsk! From there I will fly to Moscow! I`m really afraid to fly on a plane! I hope my plane will not fall down! I’m really afraid! It is several hours from Krasnoyarsk to Moscow. when I come to Moscow and settle down I will write you an email. I hope today I will be able to write you. Please don’t worry about me if you don’t hear from me today or tomorrow, that will mean I was not able to find a place to stay and I will write you after tomorrow. In Moscow I will spend a week or maybe even more, I should make all final arrangements with my documents and after it I will come to you! I’ve never been to Moscow before and I’m so nervous now… I’ve never went somewhere alone and now I should go alone to such big city! I really want to talk to you by phone, but as I don`t have a mobile phone, I will find a public phone in Moscow with international calls. you know… I had such great desire to start my trip already.. and now I feel myself like a newborn kitten who has even didn’t open it’s eyes… I just want to hug my mommy and don’t want to go anywhere… but I know that’s my dream to start a new life and I will try to turn in to reality! Soon you will hear some news from me from Moscow!!!!!!!! hope I’m only for you! love you and kisses!Evgeniya

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 19, 2011 1:48:25 PM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: …will be lucky to meet you…Hi Evgeniya,As always I greatly enjoy your detailed e-mails and your beautiful pictures. But I am very sad. I don’t think you are reading my e-mails too much. I am telling you details about my life and I don’t think you are reading them or taking them too seriously. Or maybe you are too much in love. Or maybe you are drinking too much vodka, I don’t know. Let me re-cap, I am 45 years old, I am married to a possessive woman named Eve and the father of two boys. I am an onion farmer, a simple man of the dirt, well, not totally simple, I am also an educated man who went to the University of Iowa who has a Master of Arts from there and really loves the Iowa Hawkeyes. But my onion crop was destroyed this year by a terrible flood, this website explains what happened:http://www.facebook.com/savemyonionfarm?sk=wall I am very poor, very, very poor, I owe the government over $200,000 and one day they will send the men with no necks and black sunglasses to take me away. Until then I live on credit cards and meet with the political big shots and ask them to help us. And I drink heavily. And I don’t eat breakfast and I enter Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes and the McDonalds Monopoly contest too! But I won’t collect bottles and cans along the road. I do love my wife very much, she puts up with my crap and she clips my toenails.I asked Eve my wife if it was okay if we take in a beautiful 26 year old Russian woman to be like a second wife, to cook and work at a department store and eat bananas and sleep together in our big bed, but my wife just laughed and said no. I cried, and I cried, and I cried, and I begged and I begged, and I cried, and I said “PLEASE,” and she said NO!” Then she left the room, and grabbed my gun, AND SHE POINTED IT AT ME AND SAID SHE WOULD SHOOT MY MANHOOD OFF IF SUCH A THING EVER HAPPENED! Then she laughed like Hannibal Lector from “Silence of the Lambs” and read a book. Now I am scared. So if you come, and she chases me out, I MUST LEAVE WITH YOU! Can you take me back to Moscow? Can you take care of me? I can work on a farm very hard! Are there any onion farms near where you live? I can cook too and I promise I will not become fat for you! I will be your sex slave and do your laundry and mow the lawn and do all sorts of odd jobs. Typically my feet don’t smell but I have an “inny” belly button that does tend to collect lint. I hope you don’t view that as a turn off.Plus I want to be totally honest with you, I have some other defects I must share with you. For one, I’ve only recently started to wet the bed. Not often, just on occasion, when I get agitated or excited. Or drunk. My wife refers to it as “a touch of the dab.” She actually finds it attractive, she thinks of me as her little puppy dog. All you need to do is put some newspaper around me. Also, I have some issues with warts. It goes back to my college days when I sowed my wild oats. Don’t worry, i don’t think you can catch them, and if you do we in America have some pretty powerful ointments that take care of the itch.

I love the movies. I spend most of my days when I’m not working watching tv or movies. My favorite actor, Ernest Borgnine. Any movie with him in it is a classic. I did watch the “Adjustment Bureau” and it was okay but I usually don’t like documentaries. I love American tv, including “The Brady Bunch” and “Gilligans Island” classic high drama like that. Opera confuses me too much.

You said you will be living for a while with a bunch of other girls. Any chances you will be having pillow fights? If so, can you take some pictures of that and send them?

I do have a driver’s license and a minivan and a truck but what I love to drive the most is my parent’s John Deere lawn mower. When I mow the lawn I will drink three or four beers or one to two 4 Lokos. Then I will sing American rock music like a madman. I will also threaten to jump the large drainage ditch to make my friend Donald happy. Speaking of music, do you like the Russian trololo guy? We in America love him! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1orMXD_Ijbs

You have great taste in food and sexy taste in clothes. Your poses are better than the Monkees tv show! Please send more pictures! And don’t worry about the plane, it will not fall down, this link from Wiki on aerodynamics will explain why:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aerodynamics

Why on earth didn’t you have sex for a year? Can we talk about this more? How did you spell relief girl?  Feel free to open up between us!

Well, I will send another e-mail with more pictures. You have a safe trip. My wife is now mad at me but if you can’t stay with me there are lots of farmers around here who would be very interested in getting to know you more, that’s for sure! I do think you are very sweet!

Chris

From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 19, 2011 3:57:04 PM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: …will be lucky to meet you…

Hey Evgeniya,

I sent you a reply an hour or so ago (see below) but I also wanted to send you some photos and a link to my YouTube page. My YouTube page has my many media appearances about my farm, including some with some bigwigs, as well as some college videos too which may make you laugh. Some of them I am drinking in, some I am sober. My wife won’t let me upload the ones with the naughty words. She is such a babushka.

Here is my YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisPawelski?feature=mhee

Here are some more photos:

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From: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Date: December 20, 2011 5:21:21 AM EST
To: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: good weather..I am very glad to write you again!!! I in Capital of our country!!I was in a travel agency, all my documents are ready. Now they are checking a possible flight to your air port. They will give me all information (date and time of my arrival, etc.) tomorrow I think. Tomorrow I will continue to see M o s c o w, like a tourist. In Moscov there are so many different museums! Here good weather, about -1`C, but I feel myself so alone.  Everything here is very expensive, not like in my city… Everywhere are big crowds of people! Everyone rush somewhere and I don`t know anybody here. I feel uncomfortable because of it but I hope I will be OK soon. You can’t imagine how happy I am because I already started my trip to you! I still cannot believe I’ve done it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something amazing occurs inside of me after I have received your first letter! My heart lost calm since then. But it’s interesting that it does not want to find it again! Every my cell shouts about how it wants to see you. I want to see and kiss you! My sun, you know perhaps, but I’ll tell you that you are the clearest man in the world. My sun! I cannot even think without you, I become silly! I do not want even to breath without you! I need you as an air. It’s so incredibly stuffy without you, and I can really breathe of you! I’m finishing my letter and I want to thank you for hope you offer me.P.SPlease CONFIRM the name of int. airport (and his code) and be sure you wrote it right.

kiss you,Evgeniya

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 20, 2011 8:25:23 AM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: good weather..Dear, dear Evgeniya,It seems two of my e-mails must have passed you by. I hope you did not miss them, like a passing ship in the night. In the first I commented on your wonderful e-mail, on the foods you enjoy, the movies you like, your driving, and I shared my bed wetting issues, my warts on my private parts, and other issues. In the second e-mail I sent some pictures of me as well as a link to my YouTube page which contains videos I have either appeared in or made. You will either cry tears of sadness or joy, or be horribly confused. Here is the link:http://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisPawelski?feature=mheeTo recap, I am a 45 year old man who is married over 21 years to a wonderful woman who currently wants to keep me, and is the father of two young, good, smart boys, who are always hungry. I am an onion farmer, and man of the dirt, the soil, the mud. I pick weeds and rocks and most importantly, onions. I love onions, their skin and their scent. Woman who smell like onions are very sexy to me. Do you smell like onions? This season a Hurricane came and caused a flood which destroyed my crop. I lost all my onions and now I am thousands of dollars in the hole. I am poor and very sad. This page explains it all:http://www.facebook.com/savemyonionfarm?sk=wallI don’t live near any cities nor near any airports. I live near some bus stations but they are very dirty and only bad men who do drugs live and sleep there. You would not want to go there.

I asked my wife if you could live with us like one big happy family but she said no, she already has one loafer too many she has to take care of and that is me. My wife is a good woman and I don’t want to get her mad at me or she will throw me out of my own house and then my kids won’t see me anymore, I’ll have no place to live and I’ll start to be like the smelly people at the bus station who talk to themselves.

But, I have a bigger secret I must protect. A secret that is so important it involves the whole world. Not just our world, but many worlds. I know it sounds confusing, but I can explain. It’s a secret I have been carrying for many years, and it has been crushing my soul, and I must finally share it with someone. Even my dearest wife does not know. But I know, from our few e-mails, that you are very special and I can share my secret with you. Can I do that, can I share a special secret … a dangerous secret … with you and only you … and can you keep and tell no one? EVEN MY WIFE AND CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW THIS!

Oh, I am bursting inside and I have to finally tell someone after so many years and I feel you are that special someone. I am a time travel. I am a soldier, from the year 2120. My rank is major, I am a leader of men. I’m not supposed to be here, in the past, but the human race is at war with cybernetic life forms from a distant planet in our galaxy who have the power of time travel. We have stolen their technology and adapted it. In the course of one battle, 20 years ago, I was thrown back in time, in what is called a “Jefferson temporal curve.” And here I am. At least 15 of these cybernetic creatures were thrown back in time with me. 3 of them posses the technology to get back and I am trying to find those 3 and kill the rest. I have taken out 7 over the years and have severely disabled 2. I have one in my possession. Plus I am doing everything in power to not contaminate or pollute the timeline. I have a device which enables me to communicate, in a limited way and in short bursts, with my timeline. The problem is that my device requires massive amounts of energy. I have to steal energy from un obvious sources to mask my energy use. For example, Fukushima, I was able to divert power from there to power my device before the melt down. I was never a good student of history when I was in school and truth be told, much was lost after the 3rd World War, but I do know basic facts about my past, your present and future. I’m trying to lay as low as possible, to stay out of history’s way, and to take out those cybernetic bastards that come my way. I love my 20th/21th century wife and family but I miss my 22nd century family. No, I wan’t married, but I miss my men, I miss my parents, I miss my world, and I want to take it back from these invaders. “F”: these bastards!

But my dear, I do not want to put you at risk, or your great great great grandchildren at risk, despite the love that may be between us. Further, if the cybernetic life forms recognize that you are special to me they may target you for elimination. That being said, do you know any hand to hand combat techniques or how to discharge small weapons? Do you have a cat? Cats can sense them, even from great distances. Watch your back … trust no one.

I need you to stay safe, in the country. As much as this breaks my heart to say this … but I need you to find a good man to help you make many babies, to make more babies, to prepare for the invasion … to fight for the survival of humanity.

Your soldier, the poor dirt farmer,

Chris

From: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Date: December 21, 2011 6:02:07 AM EST
To: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Subject: 27,December!
Reply-To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>

Chris hello! excuse me that I could not write to you earlier….. I’m writing to you as soon as I can!!!!!! I was busy with many arrangements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also I had to repeat some words for my English test and I finally passed my test today morning!!!
today I was in the travel agency and I received an information about my trip! I will be very thankful to you if you can meet me at the Airport!

I will arrive to you on Tuesday, 27 December I shall inform number of flight, the terminal and an arrival time probably Sunday or on Monday. more in detail look at the end of the letter. I copied the information of agency

I hope so much it’s a good day for you to meet me!

I am so glad to see that we are almost near our goal,and our meeting wait for us. I think I will call you from airport before my flight. You know I booked tickets on Tuesday, 27 December flight and I will buy them before my intervew. People from embassy must be sure that I am not going to stay illegally, so I need to buy roundtrip tickets (with returning date). I wanted to ask you about electronic tickets but they tell that I can’t use because it is their businees to arrange all travel details and they have some extra money from all the things, you see it is just business.I think that you will be able to help me because I don’t know anybody here and only you are my hope now, I think everything in your hands and I believe that you will not leave me here alone.please borrow some money. I am sure I will be able to return all your money back after a few weeks, I will get salary and I will collect the sum I own from you. To be fair I am not sure I know what to say because I hate to ask but now I have no different way, you see.Please help me it is only money and much more important if we will meet in person I will do my best, you won`t be disappoined. I see that it sounds a little crazy but I can’t believe that in the worst case I have to return home,they all will laugh at me.I think it rests with you to decide and I feel that you will help me because you are kind. I have about 300 US dollars yet and I think I need about 980 US dollars from your side with all travel needs and living here till my flight! (I had 1180 dollars, but flight from Krasnoyarsk, opening visa, medical insurance and all travel needs costed about 800 dollars). For truth I did not expect I will need to buy roundtrip tickets, but now I see that its a very strict rule. I was sure that my mom will help me becasue she promised but now she sent letter that it is possible only in a few months or so because of family problems.and she can’t send transfer now.I was in the bank to try to ask them about loan but they tell I have to have something to stay them and I have nothing to stay because I have only a few dress and things,some perfume and it is all I have,and small gift for you from russia with love.

please send it today by Western Union or Money Gram I will write you details:!!! send it to russia, Evgeniya Trofimowa !!!!This is my full name!

Also I’ve got an advice to send you a scan copy of my passport in case you need to confirm my details.

this is my full name used in all official documents. They said this is all info you need. But please for any case write down more info. The address where I’m staying: Bolshaya Yakimanka, 23-94 , post code (zip) 109017. I rent a small room In an apartment of an old policeman here, it’s cheaper then hotel.The address of the closest Western Union (or MoneyGram) here is:

“Alfa Bank” Moscow , 109017, Bolshaya Yakimanka – 19, stroenie 1

I have some money but it’s not enough to complete my trip. Please send me 980 US dollars and I will complete my trip! After it please write me all details about the transfer –

your FULL NAME and Money Transfer Control Number.!!

I will call you as soon as I receive it. When I receive the money I will pay for my trip and only then the embassy will put all final stamps on my documents. I’ve bought you few souvenirs with Russian attributes!!! I’m sure you will like them! If you need something more please let me know, they are not expensive. Also I bought two boxes of Russian chocolate! I hope so much when I come to you we will like each other! You are already very special to me! Please when I come to you tell me more about you and your country! I will listen to everything you tell me and I will do everything you tell me! I trust you really much! I hope you will not do something to hurt my feelings…. I think you are really good man. I will never do anything to hurt yours!!! By statistics Moscow is the second most expensive city in the world after Tokyo… everything is so expensive here… and I have to pay for my rent and food and buy tickets.. please help me.. Sorry if I missed something or didn’t comment please let me know I was so busy with with all preparations!!!!

Evgeniya

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Travel dates for: Ms. Evgeniya Trofimowa Please label the inside and outside of each piece of baggage to> be checked in with your name and where possible your address. Suitable baggage labels and stickers are available free of charge. In advance of your journey. please note the current free baggage allowance included in your ticket price. You can find this information in the internet or via your Airline contact person. In case you booked a special fare please note that it can be subject to restrictions. Travel Abroad: When preparing to travel> abroad for less than 5 months, it is important to ensure entry to another country . Depending on the country to be visited and the worker’s nationality, it may be necessary to apply for a visitor visa.The worker must have: a valid passport or travel document, valid visa . Furthermore, page 4 must be signed by the RO. No special permission is needed, but it is important to have a valid passport,valid visa and all travel documents.

Thank you for your booking and have a pleasant journey. Kind regards.”Tri Fontana-Travel Agency” is a licensed and officially registered travel agency. Travel agency “Tri Fontana-Travel Agency”.

Our goal is to provide quality services for group and individual
travelers.
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Please use our service. managers: Tatyana
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The nearest possible flight is – Tuesday, 27 December 2011. From Russia, Moscow,Sheremetyevo Inter Airport. Price: foreign passport,visa,tax,consulate fee,ticket Eco.class.USD 1280.00+
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This reservation will be automatically cancelled if the order is not purchased until Monday, 26 December 2011.

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From: Chris Pawelski <evep@warwick.net>
Date: December 21, 2011 8:05:15 AM EST
To: Evgeniya <kularevgen_86@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: 27,December!My Dear Evgeniya,I don’t know how else to say this, my cover appears to be blown. Chrono physics or temporal mechanics was never a strong suit of mine but it was imperative that U.S. intelligence services not become aware of me, of who I am, where I am from and most importantly, what technology and knowledge of the future I posses. It could change the entire timeline, and not for the good. Well, backscatter from our e-mails have been collected from the NSA and they are on to me. Further, I was just attacked from one of the cybernetic life forms last night. I took him out, but, when I downloaded the information in his central processing core I found out something very disturbing my love … HE HAD A DETAILED FILE ABOUT YOU! INCLUDING YOUR CURRENT WHEREABOUTS! I KNEW WHERE YOU WERE BEFORE I RECEIVED YOUR E-MAIL THIS MORNING!So, the U.S. intelligence apparatus is after me now and the cybernetic life forms are after you. I’ve now killed 8. I’ve severely disabled 2, I can’t destroy them but they are in a place that can do no harm (and cannot corrupt the timeline). As I said I have one in my possession. That leaves 4, I think. I’m not totally sure. But I’m pretty sure at least 2 are in Eastern Europe right now. They are there attempting to obtain certain minerals needed to build what’s called a “Kennsington Device.” It’s a weapon, a very powerful weapon, one that makes matter unstable, and at short range can destroy a city block. I have to stop them. They need to obtain materials here on the eastern seaboard of the United States and it’s here that Ill take them out, recapture the equipment needed to rebuild the time traveling device, and go back home. But I need to stay ahead of the various U.S. intelligence agencies, who are going to be watching me now. Remember I mentioned I have one of the cybernetic bastards disabled. Well, I forgot to mention, they are shape shifters, they can assume the form or appearance of anyone, your mother, your best friend, your lover, even you. Well, here’s my plan, I’m going to re-program this one to look exactly like me. Then, I’m going to program it to think that it is me, with specific instructions. When the various U.S. intelligence agencies come to take me in he’ll try to get away, but it will be a half hearted effort … he’ll let them take them in. Oh, it will be on the news, local onion farmer taken in for questioning, but they’ll take my “twin” in to a secure location but he’ll give them NOTHING! And I’ll slip away.Here’s what i need you to do. As I’ve mentioned many times, in my cover as an onion farmer I am very poor, all my cash resources are gone. So, I need you to send me that $300 you mentioned in your e-mail. I need it ASAP because I expect the CIA at my door any minute. I have a secure account you can wire it to if you agree to send it. Then, my love, YOU MUST GO DARK. The cybernetic life forms are coming for you. And, if the NSA finds you a valuable asset they may send agents after you as well. Trust no one. I am so sorry I brought you into this. I was just curious at first who saw my profile when you sent that first e-mail. I thought you might be one of those cybernetic life forms playing games with me. Little did I know you would be my Russian “flower.”

I must go dark now … I won’t be able to respond to anymore of your e-mails for fear of tracking by U.S. intelligence or those cybernetic bastards. If I get back to the future I will tell your great great great great great grandchildren how beautiful and brave you were.

Your soldier onion farmer,

Chris

He sniffs his hat …

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The following below is an excerpt from my unpublished memoir, “Muckville: Farm Policy, Media and the Strange Oddities of Semi-Rural Life.”

Many years ago, during one of our initial disaster seasons (post 1996) my brother and I noticed our dad started sniffing his hat. Just like that. We’d be in our office, thinking about how bad the crop was due to the weather, and my dad would take his hat off and sniff it. A good, deep sniff, followed by a series of mini sniffs. Just like that. After a few dozen times, when it passed being a tic and was obvious now a codified and repeated habit, my brother and I asked my dad, “why the hell do you keep sniffing your hat?” So he said, “I can smell the stress.” “Huh?” “The stress, the trouble, the pressure, I can tell how bad it is by the smell of that smell.” “What’s it smell like” we asked. “Strong” he replied, it’s a bad year and I can smell it in my hat.” So, only mildly grossed out we said hey, whatever floats your boat dad, but, that’s weird we told him.

A few years later, in 2010, my Facebook friend Mike B. once got a fortune cookie that said:

“Never smell the inside of a hat.” 

I kid you not. He took a picture of it and e-mailed it to me. In 2009 my dad let me chronicle hat sniffing in a series of photos. They are now saved for posterity. And here they are:

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So, my mom must call four five times a day, every day, asking “where’s your father?” She calls the barn, she calls my house, she leaves messages on the answering machine at the barn. I’ve thought about composing a Dr. Seuss like response but instead I’ve come up with a better idea … I’m going to microchip my dad and give my mom the code …

http://animals.howstuffworks.com/pets/pet-travel/pet-microchip1.htm

This comment of mine above, which was originally posted on Facebook, led to my creatively genius of a friend Donald W. to compose a response in the form of Dr. Seuss that touches on my dad’s hat sniffing, my mom’s eternal search for him, my love of 4 Lokos and Neurogasms and of course … onions!

The Dad Who Smells his Hat Comes Back, By Dr. WizSuess

This was no time for play. This was no time for fun. This was no time for games, for the time to harvest the mud grunions had came. Mud grunion harvest time was not a time to disappear like a jerk, mud grunion harvest time was a time for work.

All those grunions stacked in the bulk boxes so high had to have to go, have to go where the hellamumfifsis is that guy?

When our mother went to town for the day, she said, ”Somebody has to keep an eye on that guy, somebody, somebody has to, you see!”

Then she picked two somebodies it was Brian and me.

Well…. There we were. We were working pulling ends on the field just like that when who should appear but Ol Hat Sniffin Cadillac Jack!

”Oh-oh Brian said. ”Dont take you eye off ol Jack, if we lose him again mom’ll give a wack!”

I said ”Oh nooooo Jack not this time you hear, I watch you and watch you like Skin Head watches his beer!”

”Disappear!” laughed ol Jack. ”Oh no, no, no need for alarm, Im jus gonna go check the four lokos back at the farm!” ”You two keep your mind on the mud grunions and the Zong Wokets we hired, Im gotta go check on the pressure in the forklifters 5th & 8th tires!”

Then ol Hat Sniffin Jack grabbed this throat mimicking a person who is so parched they can spit and pronto he was gone just like that lickety split!!!

It was then that Brian and I hatched a plan, a plan to help mom keep track of her man. We’d buy a device a GPS and inject em…well we would inject it right up his….

Solar Plexus…when he was sleeping of course so he’d never suspect us!

So I ran to the barn and was taken aback, for there was ol Jack just a sniffin his hat. Thats when I got mad and screached at my dad…we no time for hat sniffin you disappearing curmudgeon there’s work to be done harvesting grunions!

Now get out of this barn we dont want you about….I’ll take the dammed Four Lokos and dump them all out!

It was then when my mind got a nudge to think like a think like a Hollywood judge! Id get a ankle lock not one but two to be exact and just like Lindsay Lohan I lock his ass in ankletracking Lo Jacks!

Well Brian and Mom and all the Zong Wockets rejoiced and regailed and sang songs of celebrunion…… as we hauled and hauled and gradzooted the mud grunions….for it was no longer a worry to look for Ol Hat Sniffen Cadillac Jack with his disappearing spasms now if only I could thinkafy a way to get Eve to drink the Neurogasms!

PediSpin = Strange Family Activities!

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The following is a series of photos taken on February 25, 2012 … it chronicles Eve doing PediSpin on my feet. Our youngest son Jonah saw it in the mall and said “ma, you gotta get this for dad.”

Check out the series of photos taken by our oldest son Caleb. Why don’t you add captions and text.

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City Harvest!

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City Harvest is a fantastic organization I have been privileged to be associated with for close to 20 years!

Check out this blog post:

http://www.cityharvest.org/feed-our-people-profiles

And Facebook post:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151909014501181&set=a.136079836180.145285.29095531180&type=1

They saved me last year. They are worthy of your consideration and support!