Can we put Rev. Pat Robertson on the International Space Station?


Can we put Rev. Pat Robertson on the International Space Station?


The Devil didn’t go to Georgia … he actually went to Haiti ….

Back in 2010 there was a rumor floating around the internet that 700 Club Host Rev. Pat Robertson blamed an earthquake in Chile on “Chupacabra.” That’s a goat sucker, if you didn’t know.


It may have been an internet urban legend … but it’s not as if Pat has never said such a thing.

In January of 2010 he did blame the horrible Haitian earthquake on a pact with the Devil. He said it on tv, on The 700 Club. And we have it on YouTube.

The AP, on its YouTube page for the story about Pat’s revelation, says the following about this clip under the more info section:

“TV Evangelist Pat Robertson made some unusual observations about the Haiti earthquake on his CBN newscast Wednesday.”

“Made some unusual observations?” Wow, an understatement to rival all understatements I would argue.

Pat says in the piece (video below) “They (the Haitian people) got together and swore a pact to the devil, they said we will serve you, if you’ll get us free from the French. It’s a true story. And so the Devil said ‘okay, it’s a deal.'”

And then one of the Haitian people started playing on his fiddle and his fiddle playing was superior to the Devil’s fiddle playing and he kicked the Devil’s a** … oh I’m sorry, wrong narrative. I thought Pat was going to segue into that Charlie Daniels song. (Author’s note: I do like that song, by the way).

Check it out:

Can we all agree we need to send Pat Robertson somewhere isolated and safe? Like trade him for some beer and cigars or something? Or just put him on the International Space Station and just leave him there until we can figure out who wants him or how we can sort it all out? And can we by mutual consent agree to get him off the air? I don’t want any passing Vulcans or any other inter-galactic species to inadvertently catch part of his showgram while passing by and get the wrong idea about the rest of us. I don’t want them putting off “First Contact” because of Pat’s musings.

We have to move on this quickly. Time is not on our side.

Not only do millions believe him, they give him money. Lots of money. It’s hard for me to fathom.

But either way, let’s just get him up to the Space Station and do the analysis later.

Don’t think this is a serious situation? Well, if you were to take a random collection of some of Pat’s musings and intermix them with the ramblings of someone like …, oh …, Charlie Manson, I guarantee that a sizeable number of people couldn’t tell you

1. What was spouted by Pat and what was spouted by Charlie

2. Which made more sense


Yet, Pat’s legions of followers, or dare I say, “family,” dwarfs Charlie’s. On top of that Pat’s are running around amongst us, with little to no supervision. Folks, we have to do something about this. I’m just saying.

Can I be snarky and say I’m fervently praying that Pat be gently but quickly removed from our society, all planetary society, and placed in high orbit until we can figure out what to do with him, long term? How ironic is that? I’m praying with my hands placed on my computer monitor just like Pat does when he prays on his showgram.

If anyone wants to donate to the cause I’ll humbly accept cash, checks, fresh produce or unopened boxes of saltine crackers as compensation?

To be fair, I’ve tried a few times to watch “The 700 Club.” As a cultural experiment. I can’t seem to last longer than 10 or 15 minutes. As I watch it and Pat starts saying some really stupid stuff and his co-host, whichever one, starts nodding their head in agreement and fawning over his lunatic ideas, I start to feel like Elvis and Bob Goulet is on the tv doing Broadway showtunes and I really can’t afford to do what the King used to do in similar circumstances.

Allow me to further elaborate:

The one dude thought the Beatles gave him secret messages in their music, and, along with material found in the Bible book of Revelation, those messages urged him to start a race war between whitey and the black man and he and his followers would be the survivors and future rulers of that apocalyptic war.

The other dude claims to have semi-regular conversations with the All-Being, sees a future cataclysm on the horizon where he ends up as some sort of boss or authority figure and in the meantime wanted to see the CIA take out the President of Venezuela.

Which sounds more or less plausible, more or less wacky, and even more or less disturbing?

Let’s do the quote game … intermixed below are a series of quotes from either Pat or Charlie. Can you guess which said which?

* “Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court.”

* ”The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. Itis about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

* “Pain’s not bad, it’s good. It teaches you things. I understand that.”

* “Look down at me and you see a fool;
look up at me and you see a god;
look straight at me and you see yourself”

* “I can’t judge any of you. I have no malice against you and no ribbons for you. But I think that it is high time that you all start looking at yourselves, and judging the lie that you live in.”

* “From the world of darkness I did loose demons and devils in the power of scorpions to torment.”

* “Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up”

* ”Many of those people involved in Adolf Hitler were Satanists, many were homosexuals – the two things seem to go together.”

* “I started, ‘In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit … ‘”

* “Living is what scares me. Dying is easy.”

Truth be told, even I don’t know now which said which.

And just consider this fact …, Charlie and his “family” have been tried, convicted and sentenced to lifetime prison sentences. Charlie, for his part, killed no one but only gave the orders.

Pat, on the other hand, who has openly, yes OPENLY, called for the CIA to assassinate an elected head of state of another country and for a nuke to be deployed on the State Department, has his own tv showgram and it is highly likely you and I will run into a number of his “family” the next time we go to Wal-Mart or The Piggly Wiggly, amongst many other places.

Let’s just stop his transmissions immediately and put up up in the ISS as quickly as possible. We want any and all passing space visitors think that this will happen if they decide to stop in:

We don’t want them fearing this may happen instead: